Xena and Gabrielle's psyche were harmed
during the making of this motion picture.

No maggots were harmed during the making of this
motion picture, although a few were found stuck
in Gabrielle's teeth.

All Hell broke loose during the
filming of this motion picture.

Xena's uncanny ability to recover from devastating wounds
was not harmed during the production of this motion picture.

Despite severe air turbulence, no sand dunes were harmed
during the making of this motion picture, although some
experienced periodic bouts of motion sickness.

Virgil's appetite was suppressed
during the making of this motion picture.

No flying horses were harmed during the
making of this motion picture, although several villages
were bombarded with aerial manure. 

Gabrielle's popularity surged during the making
of this motion picture.

Any similarity between our story and the classic
children's fairy tale is purely coincidental.

Ares went to the dogs during the making of
this motion picture.

Raczar mysteriously disappeared at the completion
of production of this motion picture and is rumored
to have been living under the guise of
"Prince Vladimar Barbeque[ren] Raczar of Lower A???"

Gabrielle's undercover disguise was severely
harmed during the making of this motion picture.

The concept of linear time was severely harmed during
the making of this motion picture.

The disclaimer for this episode was harmed
during the making of this motion picture.

No shark bait was harmed during
the making of this motion picture.

No Xena fans were harmed during
the making of this motion picture.

The Centaur population was severely harmed
during the making of this motion picture.

As the Fates would have it, Caesar was once again
harmed during the making of this motion picture.

No fish guts were harmed during
the making of this motion picture.

Joxer's natural process of elimination was harmed
during the making of this motion picture.

Hell Hath No Fury Like a Woman Scorned.

Xena's Dark and Violent Past was restored
during the production of this motion picture.

Ares' libido was not harmed during the production
of this motion picture.

Although The Rabbit Died, No other animals were
harmed during the production of this motion picture.

Xena and Alti were Bad To The Bone
during the production of this motion picture.

To obtain a copy of Joxer's recipe for
Moo Shu Sauce and other Chinese delicacies
visit your local Bookstore or look for it on the Internet.

Pao Ssu's split personality was not
harmed during the production of
this motion picture.

No Pie Tins were harmed during the
making of Tharon's mask.

Thanks to Eli's non-violent ways, many people lost their
lives during the production of this motion picture.

Gabrielle and Argo were Shrunk and Permanently
Pressed during the production of this motion picture.

Zeus Cashed in his Chips during the
production of this motion picture.

Ares' virility was harmed during the
production of this motion picture.

Post Production was
under siege during the production
of this motion picture.

No Sea Nymphs or other Denizens of the Deep were harmed
during the production of this motion picture.

Warning: The Surgeon General cautions
practicing Weird and Grotesque Amazon
rituals may be hazardous to your health.

Many Cinnamon Swirls lost their
lives in the making of Gabrielle's Headdress.

No Rubberized Snakes intent on
destroying the Queen of Egypt were
harmed during the production of this
motion picture.

Death almost died during the
production of this motion picture.

Due to an overabundance of
Beans and Bard Burgers, Meg's
gastrointestinal problems intensified
during the production of this motion picture.

Joxer's sudden and unexpected death
slowed down his rapid aging process during
the production of this motion picture.

All the Gods were harmed during
the production of this motion picture.

No Dead Amazons lost their lives during
the production of this motion picture.

Xena's search for Gabrielle was not harmed
during the production of this motion picture.

No Spike-Skinned, Beast-Like,
Incredibly Hungry Offspring who can't stand
the sun were harmed during the production
of this motion picture.

No Leapin' Lice were beaten, whipped, smashed or
scratched during the production of this motion picture.

No Permanent Battle Scars were inflicted
during the production of this motion picture.

No Self-Righteous Magistrates intent on
suppressing the basic human right of freedom
of expression were harmed during the production
of this motion picture.

No Rabid Flesh-Eating Crabs were cooked during the
production of this motion picture.

Xena's Best Chewing Tooth was not harmed during
the production of this motion picture.

Borias' goose was cooked during
the production of this motion picture.

No Priceless Porkers, of either organic or ceramic origin,
were harmed during the filming of this motion picture.

No Blonde-Haired, Blue-Eyed Horde girls
or their extended families were harmed during
the production of this motion picture.

Lakota toti. Bonai. Soli bonai.

No fractured fables were harmed
during the production of this motion picture.

Paradise was found but not necessarily embraced
during the production of this motion picture.

Xena's Chakram got Gabrielle
by the short hairs during the production
of this motion picture.

Any similarity between Hanuman and a major character
in the motion picture classic "Planet Of The Apes" is
purely coincidental.

Although no great literary works of art
were harmed or plagiarized, a few thespians
stole some scenes during the production of
this motion picture.

Argo's gastrointestinal condition was cleared up
upon completion of this motion picture.

Argo was once again proven innocent during the
production of this motion picture.

Pompey's reign came to a head during the
production of this motion picture.

Xena & Gabrielle were killed during
the production of this motion picture.

No Sword-Wielding, Card-Playing,
Therapy-Seeking French Freedom Fighters
were deflowered during the production of
this motion picture.
However, rumors of Custer and Pocahontas
remain unconfirmed.

Xena's sanity was not harmed during the
production of this motion picture. The Furies,
however, will be opening their own lap-dancing
variety show off-off-off Broadway soon.

The rooster was not harmed during the production
of this motion picture, although his feathers were
severely ruffled. However, a little gel and mousse
straightened out the mess.

No Convicts were reformed during the
production of this motion picture.
Can't we all just get along?

Gabrielle was slightly well-done during the production
of this motion picture. However, the producers would
like to recommend a zesty barbecue sauce to
bring out the full flavor of the episode.

Despite witnessing the bizarre and somewhat
disturbing birth of Gabrielle's Hope, no farm
animals were harmed or traumatized during
the production of this motion picture.

No Frock Tarts were killed during the production
of this motion picture although they wish
they had been.

Xena and Gabrielle's relationship suffered
another blow (although Gabrielle doesn't know it yet)
during the production of this motion picture.

Due to the infliction of a severe wedgie, Joxer was
slightly uncomfortable but not seriously harmed
during the production of this motion picture.

Despite another Xena look-alike, the gene pool
(or rather gene puddle) was not harmed during
the production of this motion picture.

No naked Gabrielles were harmed during the
production of this motion picture.

Xena and Gabrielle's relationship was harmed
during the production of this motion picture.

The musical genre was not harmed during the
production of this motion picture. In fact,
the Producers sincerely hope you were
A-MUSE-D by this episode.

Gabrielle's ankle was harmed during the production
of this motion picture.

No street-talking, cat-fighting, barrroom-brawling
juvenile delinquents were harmed during the
production of this motion picture.

No Con Men were conned during the
production of this motion picture.

Caesar's Palace was not harmed during the production
of this motion picture. However, Crassus and the
gladiators went down for the count.

Xena and Joxer were not forgotten during [the]
production of this motion picture.

Joxer's dignity was slightly harmed during the
production of this motion picture. However,
Gabrielle's pink nightie was restored
to its original condition.

No Cast or Crew were singing "Tanks For The Memories"
during the production of this motion picture.
However, the phrase "Strike the Set" was given
new meaning.

Upon completion of the filming of this episode,
Autolycus' Scuba Gear was placed on display
at the Athens Diving Institute for the education
and enjoyment of future generations to come.

No Pulsing Cocoons were hatched during the
production of this motion picture. What you
witnessed was purely a reenactment.

Gabrielle finally went off the deep end during
the production of this motion picture.

No Sleazy Warlords who deem it necessary to
drink magic elixers that turn them into scaly
centaurs were harmed during the production
of this motion picture.

Xena's memory was not damaged or...
...what was I saying?

No Bible myths or icons were irreparably
mangled during the production of this
motion picture.

No Bloodsucking Bacchae were harmed
during the production of this motion picture.
However, a few Driads lost their heads.

Although Xena finally conquered her dark
nemesis Callisto, it took her weeks to get
the sand out of her leather unmentionables.

Neither Xena nor her remarkably coincidental
identical twin, Diana, were harmed
during the production of this motion picture.
Meg, however, suffered minor injuries while
preparing Aardvark nuggets for King Lias.

Argo was not harmed during the production of
this motion picture. However, she is undergoing
intensive psychotherapy to help her work through
her resentment and feelings of distrust
toward Xena.

No one was harmed during the production
of this motion picture. However, Xena's ability
to recover her body was severely impeded by
Lucy Lawless' unexpected mishap.

Senticles was not harmed during the
production of this motion picture.
However, several chimneys are in
dire need of repair.

No Hollywood Producers were harmed
during the production of this motion picture.

No ribbons were harmed during the production
of this motion picture. However, several experienced
severe motion sickness.

Julius Caesar was not harmed during the
production of this motion picture.
However, the Producers deny responsibility for any
unfortunate acts of betrayal occurring soon thereafter.

Xena's body was not harmed during the production
of this motion picture. However, it took weeks for
Autolycus to get his swagger back.

The reputation of the Amazon Nation
was not harmed despite Velasca's overly radical
adherence to an otherwise valid belief system.

No Slippery Eels were harmed during the production
of this motion picture despite their reputation as a
fine delicacy in select cultures of the known world.

The producers wish to acknowledge the
inspiration of Danny Kaye and pay tribute to
the classic motion picture "Court Jester".

By popular demand "The Executioner" will
bring back his comfortable lightweight cotton-flax
blend robe in a variety of spring colors.

Once again, Gabrielle's luck with men was harmed
during the production of this motion picture.

Despite Gabrielle's incessant hurling,
Ulysses' ship was not harmed during the production
of this motion picture.

To show sympathy for the Horde, "kaltaka" was
only served upon request during the production
of this motion picture.

Cecrops' "Joie de Vivre" was not harmed
during the production of this motion picture.

No Cherries were harmed during the production
of this motion picture.

Special thanks to Albert Vartanian.

No Babies were harmed during the production
of this motion picture.

Iolaus was harmed during the production
of this motion picture. However, the Green Egg
Men went on to live long and prosperous lives.

No Jumbo Sized Cocktail Rats were harmed
during the production of this motion picture.

No Males, Centaurs or Amazons were harmed
during the production of this motion picture.

No oversized Polynesian-Style Bamboo Horses
were harmed during the production
of this motion picture.
However, many wicker lawn chairs gave their lives.

The producers would like to
acknowledge and pay tribute to
Stanley Kubrick, Kirk Douglas
and all those who were involved
with the making of the film classic
"SPARTACUS."

Additional thanks to Steve Reeves.

No Ambrosia was Spilled, Spoiled or in any way
harmed during the production of this motion picture.
(Thanks to the indefinite shelf life of marshmallows.)

Neither Xena nor her remarkably coincidental
identical twin, Diana, were harmed during the
production of this motion picture.

No Winged Harpies were harmed or sent to
a fiery grave during the production of
this motion picture.

No Ancient and Inflexible Rules governing
moral behavior were harmed during the
production of this motion picture.

Meleager the Mighty, the generally
Tipsy and Carousing Warrior-For-Hire,
was not harmed during the production
of this motion picture.

No Unrelenting or Severely Punishing Deities were
harmed during the production of this motion picture.

No Fathers, Spiritual or Biological, were harmed
during the production of this motion picture.

Excessive belching can cause brain damage and
social ostracism. Kids, please don't give in
to peer pressure. Play it safe.

Joxer's nose was not harmed during
the production of this motion picture.
However, his crossbow was severely damaged.

No messenger doves were harmed during the
production of this motion picture. However,
several are reportedly missing in action and
search-and-rescue efforts are under way.

Being that war is hell, lots of people were harmed
during the production of this motion picture
(but since television is a dramatic medium of
make believe, all casualties removed their
prosthetic make-up and went home unscathed).